Thursday, July 8, 2010

Cleveland, Always the Bridesmaid, never the Bride




Here's how I imagine the Cleveland pitch to Lebron went:




Cleveland
But, you grew up here. All your friends are here.

Lebron
I'm rich, so I can move all my friends to South Beach and buy them condos and jet ski's.

Cleveland
But, we're building a wind farm on lake Erie!

Lebron
Besides, I like big Latin bootie in tight skirts.

Cleveland
Have you been to Slavic Village? Wallto wall bootie in Lycra. No iron, stretch waist.

Lebron
I really like Cuban food.

Cleveland
Have you tried our Pirogies? We serve them as a dessert too!

Lebron
I'm really young and I'm excited for Miami night life.

Cleveland
Next year the Rock Hall might be in the running to host the inductee party. That will be at night.

Lebron
Winter is really very hard on my joints.

Cleveland
My brother has a plow service. He could give you a deal on your mom's driveway.

Lebron
I just signed my mom to a $750, 000 contract to fold my laundry and make that salad dressing I really like with the ginger.

Cleveland
I'd fold your laundry.

Lebron
Listen, you guys have been great. I'll always think of you when I eat a giant bratwurst.

Cleveland
We'll give you Akron outright. Seriously, take Akron.

Lebron
I like the name 'Heat'.

Cleveland
I like it when my furnace works.

Lebron
Listen, any time you're in Miami...

Cleveland
Will you still say hi to me if I wave to you?

Lebron
No. But I'll let you carry my book bag.

Cleveland
Deal.

2 comments:

  1. I've read this at least 4 times since it posted. So heart-breaking funny and on the money (sic). Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't believe you only got ONE comment on this (well, mine makes two). It is so funny I'm still laughing two weeks later.

    ReplyDelete