Saturday, August 22, 2009

Recidivist Movie Watching



I do so enjoy a nice prison movie. And I ask you, what's not to love?

Bad heroes who have to shiv it out in grotesque cafeterias after their heterosexuality is violated by ugly men in close quarters - j'adore! Paying the ultimate price for contraband, the sanctity of the butt hole or the last delicious cockroach, all this and an amoral center - yes please! Making weapons out of chair legs, pillow cases full of soda pop cans and shop tools sharpened into picks - Don't mind if I do! I don't care how outrageous it gets, I'm absolutely up for it. Misunderstood criminals who heal urinary tract infections with magic houseflies that swarm from the throat of a giant black man? I'm all in, as long as its set to the backdrop of solitary confinement, clanking keys, squeaky shoes, dangerous showers and abuse of power.

I've watched Paul Newman eat those hard boiled eggs a dozen times. I'll never get sick of him shakin' the bush, digging the holes, or confusing the bloodhounds. Clint Eastwood climbing behind the walls of Alcataz? Nifty! Shawshank, Papillion, Bad Boys, Brubaker, Midnight Express, Last Castle, Dead Man Walking, Great Escape - you film it, I'm your prisoner.

Even when prison looks like club med for all the boys I loved in High School, I don't mind. As long as the main character has to eat off of a compartmented metal tray, I'll believe and follow. I like 'em preachy, far-fetched or documentary style - I even like a comedy in striped pajamas -Stir Crazy, Out of Sight, The longest Yard. All deliciously incarcerated.

I don't know why. Maybe its the prison within me that yearns for the prison without. Maybe its some unexpressed desire to be shackled. I'll let my therapist figure that shit out. All I know is, when they pass out the strip searches and initiation rites behind bars, I'm passing out the popcorn and cokes in my living room.

3 comments:

  1. Oh good Christ, lock me up and throw away the key, I love your blog. That is just the funniest shit yet.

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  2. I would just add White Heat with Jimmy Cagney - awesome flip-out prison scene in the, uh, dining hall. Really scary. Pass the popcorn.

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